Hope I Measured Up

I just attended my first book festival. I met other writers, learned how it all works, and got my name out there. Although I did not sell any books, I had no expectations, and there was not much traffic at this event anyway. Just getting the invitation was enough of a reward. I am getting my name out there slowly—baby steps—but that’s fine. I am in no rush.

My hope is that you are proud of me for following through on this project. So many times I wanted to give up, but then I thought of Grandpa, who faced far more difficult challenges and never gave up, so I kept going.

You all know that I feel like I have been an inadequate role model as your mother. While I graduated college with a degree in a decent major—math and computer science—my professional career was limited, particularly after becoming a mother.

While I wouldn’t change anything given the opportunity, I feel like I didn’t do enough. Was volunteering for all those committees enough: Field Day, Fun Fair, yearbook, library, brownies, class mother many times, and the lunches—hotdog and pizza lunch? Then there was the Senior Citizens Lunch and printing of the Lazar newspaper with Margaret during middle school, PTC vice president in high school, organizing the town fish fry, and the judging of the forensics tournament as well as organizing the food at the East Chapel Hill Tournament with Dad.

Daddy traveled during his career, so we made the decision together for me to stay home with you. I was never unhappy, but I always felt like you should have had a mother with a career to inspire all of you.

So now I wrote a book. I am not selling a lot, but still, there are strangers purchasing it. While I never undertook this project for any accolades, I still feel a tremendous sense of personal accomplishment. It was a lot of work. I took time to research every aspect of the book.

I hope that besides learning about Grandpa and his family, you look at me in a different way. I want you to feel proud of me.