Bionic Mommy

I’m back! It’s been two weeks since I became a bionic woman after having received my new right hip. Clearly, since I am writing this, my fear that I would not awaken did not happen. But there was a moment, while I was in the twilight zone between my anesthesia-induced sleep and complete alertness, when I wondered if I was sitting outside the pearly gates. I recall hearing my name being spoken by several strangers looking down at me from above, but I do know they were not attired in white, nor did they have horns protruding from their heads.

Fortunately, I was not a patient at the hospital where I was born, because Uncle Jim informed me that when Grandma had once been a patient there, she woke up to harp music in the recovery room. While I do enjoy the peaceful sounds flowing from the strings of a harp, everyone knows the music of heaven originates from harps. Sometimes it could be a trumpet heralding the arrival a new resident, but never a clarinet or violin. If you doubt me, check out exhibit A: Music for Hearts to Heal By Notice that the harpist was wearing white!!!)

I’d like to move on to another important topic, which came to my attention on Sunday courtesy of Aunt Ar. As you probably all know, Aunt El does not wish to be buried, cremated, frozen for later use, launched into space, made into an eternal reef, composted into fertilizer, entumbed into a tree trunk or branch, or donated to science. Instead, she would like to be turned into a human diamond, which can be worn around someone’s neck (Aunt Ar volunteered explaining to me that she thought it would be a great source of conversation: “Where did you get that beautiful necklace?”  “Oh, this? It’s my sister Ellen.”)

Aunt Ar found an alternative to the diamond necklace, which I kind of like as an addition to sprinkling my ashes at Ellis Island, the Boonton falls, possibly snuck into the cemetery at night near the family, and on Kiawah Island.

For a lot less money than the diamond necklace, I could be incorporated into a lovely piece of art. At a cost of only $145, each of you could display me on a shelf in your home. What are your thoughts? Turn Your Ashes into Art.